Meltoff.

an admission

Haven’t been posting very often because I have been struggling with my own approach. It’s really hard sometimes not to give in and do this the unhealthy way, especially on Tumblr where sometimes all there is is a bunch of pictures of fit and also tiny ladies. And sometimes all I see in the mirror is the same overfat girl I’ve always been.

The goal is seeming kind of unattainable, even though I’m still seeing progress. So I’m staying off of this for the time being. It’s not influencing me in the way I should.

new clothes

At what point is it okay to start buying new clothes? I can still wear all of my old clothes with the exception of a skirt that I gave to my mom, but I don’t have the most impressive cash flow. My measurements are just confusing… I’m a severe pear shape. My upper body is a size 10-ish, but my lower body is still at least 14. And I haven’t bought a new non-workout pair of pants in years (seriously, years) so I have no real idea what my pants size is. And I’m on a tight budget so I really only want to start buying a lot of stuff once I get to my goal weight…

Maybe I’ll go to Target today and try on some jeans just to figure it out. Weird. I guess I will be in the area since I have some errands I need to run…

I don’t know why I’m so nervous about this! Aaah!

for the unlucky in love

There is a girl on my Facebook that I worked with a couple years ago, who is constantly falling in and out of relationships - she’s had three boyfriends so far this month - and talking about how there are no good guys left, how all the men in the world are liars and cheaters. She has a one-year-old kid and I think she really wants a father figure for him, but whatever she’s doing is just attracting douchebags. 

Note, I haven’t talked to her in about two years since we last worked together, but I keep seeing her drama on my Facebook feed and it makes me really sad to see.

So this is what I posted. If you know anyone else in a situation like this, feel free to pass it on.

My advice is to change your approach completely because what you’re doing now isn’t working.

Stop actively looking for a boyfriend for a good long while and pursue a hobby. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve: you’ve been hurt before and you keep falling in with douchebags who don’t treat you like you deserve. Flaunt your smarts because any guy worth being with is going to be ALL over that and anyone who doesn’t care that you’re smart is just looking for a quick lay. 

Go on at least a month of classy dates with someone before calling them your boyfriend… and don’t even IMAGINE that you’re falling in love with someone for at least three months because before that it’s lust. And there’s nothing wrong with lust, because it’s fun… you just don’t wanna confuse one for the other. And you want to make sure you really, REALLY know the guy before entrusting him with the love in your heart, your adorable son, and your future!

And I’m serious about the hobby thing. If you don’t have a social hobby, start one. Join a book club or a hiking club or a knitting circle or something, something that may be out of your comfort zone but will introduce you to new things and new people. It will enrich you as a person and you might even end up meeting Mr. Right this way.

This is just my two cents; you don’t obviously need to take my advice, but I keep seeing you running around on Facebook with douchebags who don’t deserve you. 

Good luck!

first lack of motivation!

I just had this really unhealthy week where I either ate waaaay too little or waaaay too much, mostly because I was eating things I can’t track very well because people wanted to celebrate graduation…

And now I’m on track to eat too little again for another night (865 calories) … I almost feel like depriving myself is the punishment for eating too much on some days last week. Yeah, I know I’m supposed to eat, but if starvation mode is a myth and I’m not actually losing muscle, and I still eat a decent amount of food on some days, then my metabolism won’t get permanently fucked, right?

And then I wonder why I’ve been feeling unmotivated to hit the weights in the mornings when I wake up.

:/

180, whee!

Been a while. Sorry about inactivity. Finals and the end of college forever did it to me. I also took a well needed vacation on the weekend. I ate whatever I wanted to and it was delicious. I might post about that later.

Almost had fried pies since there is a delicious fried pie place on the way to where I was vacationing, but didn’t. My mom thinks I want fried pies because I have been dieting too hard. I wanted fried pies because they are delicious. MODERATION, MAN. And it’s been like a year and a half since I’ve had one. I’m not falling off the boat, I just wanted a pie, and I regret not having one. :/ I know, I know, no regrets, but… NEXT TIME.

Anyway, I guess I should be glad that I did not eat one, because today I hit FREAKING 180 POUNDS AHAHA

I don’t think I’ll realize that I’m 180 pounds until I hit 179 and see that the second number is a 7.